Fallout new vegas text based game about vault three.

Discussion in 'General Fallout Discussion' started by 2273nate, Jul 17, 2017.

  1. 2273nate

    2273nate Great Nate

    36
    Jul 17, 2017
  2. Einhanderc7

    Einhanderc7 Vat dipped, grown and still oozing with perfection

    858
    Apr 22, 2016
    Your link does not work.

    *Edit:
    Works now.
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2017
  3. 2273nate

    2273nate Great Nate

    36
    Jul 17, 2017

    Works for me..
     
  4. cordelionreaver

    cordelionreaver Look, Ma! Two Heads!

    306
    Nov 29, 2015
    Link works for me
     
  5. Einhanderc7

    Einhanderc7 Vat dipped, grown and still oozing with perfection

    858
    Apr 22, 2016
    This was a nice little diversion, however I do have some thoughts.

    The Mr. House portion of the adventure does not read like Mr. House. I understand that Mr. House's vernacular can be rather troublesome to replicate. But I believe additional effort to get the paragraphs to read like something Mr. House would say in his own words would go a long way.

    Missing conflict and humanization of characters:
    Once the player reaches the Vault it goes from "brink of destruction" to "sunshine and rainbows" without a transition. I suggest actually incorporating long term characters for the reader to be introduced to when they first enter the vault. With this you can portray actual human responses of shock and panic when the Vault is entered as well continue to use them as interchangeable characters for various other scenarios like the missions, or plot development.

    Remember when the scene changes the reader must be informed of the change, otherwise you lose the reader to confusion. When it comes to any form of art it helps to lead the individuals perspective to what you want to show them.

    Over all from what I read the dialog is stale, none of it really reads sincere and is wildly out of place with what is going on in the scenario you primed for the reader.

    However, I think this shows promise. Perhaps after some time of rethinking the narrative you will develop a more cohesive story that will immerse the reader/player.

    Good luck, and I hope this information helps with your progress.
     
  6. lolpop109

    lolpop109 Water Chip? Been There, Done That
    Modder

    839
    Jul 14, 2016
    Played the first bit of it so far and seems cool have't really goten it it yet but I will play the rest of soon. A pretty neat idea though. Interested to see where the story goes.
     
  7. 2273nate

    2273nate Great Nate

    36
    Jul 17, 2017
    Thanks, guys! still working on this like I said and I have not gone into much detail as far as the characters are concerned maybe that is something to work on.