Ah, the new Star Wars movie (there might be spoilers down the road, so be advised). Here are some thoughts after I watched it yesterday (12-17-15). A few question to start this off: -Was Todd Howard assistant director to JJ Abrams? -Did Emil lend a helping hand to write the characters of this movie? -Did Bethesda had secret meetings with Disney? Because it's Fallout 4 all over again. Big events to promote the movie, high expectations, hyping, ''rpg-for-hardliners'' sort of line v. ''old fans will love this movie, it's all about the classics'', as some ''professional reviewers'' are already saying by now. -HBO's Game of Thrones producers lent Jon Snow to be the villain of this movie? Did they also have a secret meeting on how to employ a terrible cast ''to appeal to the new generation of 'fans'''? -The humor in it. Is this freaking Disney Channel? -The plot. Is there one? -Is it important that the new Star Wars movie lacks credibility? -Ah, the factions in this movie! They are as good as in F3 or F4. -The cast. I can foresee Oscars being awarded to all of them, collectively. -Movie of the year. Let's by the last one. Like F4 is about the Fallout Universe, this is the Star Wars Universe, but it's only Star Wars-ish. The movie doesn't seem to have much of a plot to it, it's more like an excuse to pluck elements that will draw different sorts of audiences and give everyone ''a good time'' - it's all about having a few lighthearted laughs, zero nuance Disney Channel/Zack and Cody sort of humor. It's a revamp of old themes, unbelievably unoriginal - Death Star, new father-and-son conflict. The plot is almost non-existent, it's more like a plan: we have planned to put certain characters because we believe this attract this sort of folks to the cinema, but we haven't really thought how this fits in the universe, how plausible it is. Logic is too old school, for haters. Factions (or sides, parts, whatever). This one is easy. I'm not a Star Wars aficionado, but as far as I remember, the Empire had been defeated, the Sith Lord killed, and the Republic restored. These are the main factions in the movie: The Republic, which is there to die and cause commotion as it passively accepts destruction of its entire system, as it offers no resistance, and never noticed that the remnants of the Empire have build a massive weapons, several times larger and more powerful than the Death Star. The 'Resistance', it's funny how there's a Resistance after the end of the war against the Empire, I mean, it just doesn't quite fit in this universe, and why is it called a Resistance? Presumably, after the war they would go from being a sort of guerrilla/unofficial army to becoming part of the Republic or at least an official army, some being incorporated power positions. So, what are they now? A paramilitary army which resides in a different system and chases the Empire, in a sort of Tom and Jerry never-ending conflict? Finally, there is the First Order. Remnants of the Empire, they are apparently led by the giant Turd Sith, a little screaming general, and an adolescent emo who can't do anything right. They are as organized and powerful as if they were never hit. The Death Star could destroy planets; this new ridiculous weapons, which draws its energy from the Sun (lulz), can destroy entire systems. Yes, you guessed it right: the rebels destroy it as easily as the Death Star. Chewbacca is now a funny little ball of fur. While humor had a place it in the former movies and was effectively balanced with serious scenes, great dialogues, and great acting, this one is just an endless series of slapstick jokes. Stormtroopers still can't aim. Forget about a cast that has Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, Ewan McGregor, Liam Neeson, Samuel Jackson, Ian McDiarmid. You now have an adolescent who worships Darth Vader (apparently, that's why he uses the mask, since there's no logic to that), and whose laughable attempts at drama inspire only compassion for his terrible acting. He's such a poorly written character that I feel sorry for him. The force is ridiculously portrayed, IMO. It feels like a joke. Hardly believable at any point. It went from being a mysterious and reverential thing to being an object of joke, at times. Like in Bethesda's games, you can't be defeated, the good guys, I mean. Having recently found out about the Force, the to-be-Jedi defeats the pathetic Sith, and does more than that, humiliating him on occasions. If you found that the defeat of the Empire in the old trilogy wasn't that much plausible, but comprehensible in face of the budget restraints, apparently a $200.000.000 budget wasn't used to make it any more plausible. The good guys always win. So, there you go, the new Star Wars movie. Rings a bell?